Almost 41

almost 41

Almost 41. My last almost was 36.  Jeez. How is it only five years, yet feels like I got so much older? For me the back half of my thirties got real serious. I def think I have the wrinkles to prove it, but my kids tell me I am being ridiculous, and I don’t […]

My First Mothers Day in the Dead Mom Club

dead mom club

My first Mothers Day  in the Dead Mom club fast approaches, and though I try to release the importance of hallmark holidays I know this one will wash over me like an ocean tide.  Truth be told my Mother on Mothers day was always a risk. Her mood on every holiday  Depended on her own […]

My American Dream.

  Things shake out of me. Reverberating the bones of my chest on the way out, right at the spot where my heart is. I used to not pay attention, but I am trying to pay attention these days. I used to eat chips, I still do sometimes, and other times I think maybe the […]

Experiments in Soggy.

I am soggy I am not too sure when I got soggy, or if I was always soggy. I mean, I am not the fun friend, which could lead me to believe I was always destined for soggy. I am fun, if you are a child, I will break out the parachute, and Mary Poppins […]

Almost 36

I get caught up in my head all the time. I lose my ground, or hand it away sometimes, without noticing I did that. I usually have to be dragged out of places, Once you get me on the road I am a monster at life, but getting me out of the places I find […]

Ready for Love.

I like to feel important. That should correlate great to having kids, and an adoring husband, but I was raised to be love resistant. I see all the love, and instead jump into the heartbreak of the things I do not have. I was raised like that. I know a lot of us eighties kids […]

What Can I Do?

It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path […]

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always […]

It Feels Like Home to Me.

I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty […]

What I’ve Been Doing.

Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I […]