Becoming

Peopling

Peopling

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I don’t like to people.  I forget I don’t like to people. I think it might be nice to be out there in the big community, and then I remember all the things I have ever learned about peopling, and decide to stay inside. In my  grown up aged life I refuse get down with real house wives type nonsense,…

What Can I Do?

What Can I Do?

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It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path laid out by my parents,…

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

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Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always been one of my favorite…

It Feels Like Home to Me.

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I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty five years, but I can…

What I’ve Been Doing.

What I’ve Been Doing.

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Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I get comfy in obsessive thinking….

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

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Three years ago on January 26th, very early in the morning I text my friend Elana a picture of this perfect tiny human, who just came out of my body. I captioned the perfect picture with “I had a baby for your birthday!” This year Is the first year Elana will spend her birthday not in her physical body. There…

Thirty Five and a Half-almost

Thirty Five and a Half-almost

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In a few weeks, I will have a 16-year-old, a 9-year-old, a five-year-old and a three-year-old. My heart aches. I can feel all the muscles in my heart tense up every time I let the weight of that statement rest on my shoulders. As I dramatically deal with this closing season of my life, like any good leo would, admiring…

August is Coming.

August is Coming.

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      The Energy in the Universe right now is insane. Have you felt it? This heavy feeling I keep trying to wipe away. I feel like Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights when he thinks he is on fire. “HELP ME JESUS, HELP ME JEWISH GOD, HELP ME ALLAH, HELP ME TOM CRUISE, USE YOUR WITCHCRAFT ON ME TO…

Power

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Walking outside today is like being inside a real-life storybook. I was reminded of that feeling I would get as a little girl on a perfect blue sky day. That feeling that you are just a small charcter in a story written by God. A beautiful human being walking around in this marvelous setting he created. I love these days. Spring…