Becoming

Signing Off as Don’t Let the Mini Van Fool You.

Signing Off as Don’t Let the Mini Van Fool You.

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This is my last blog as Don’t Let the Mini Van Fool You. I needed the blog to write out loud. To feel worthy enough to say the things that gnaw at the insides of my chest begging to be let out without fear of consequence. To feel like a writer, to feel like myself. My affection for this blog,…

My American Dream.

My American Dream.

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  Things shake out of me. Reverberating the bones of my chest on the way out, right at the spot where my heart is. I used to not pay attention, but I am trying to pay attention these days. I used to eat chips, I still do sometimes, and other times I think maybe the secrets of life are on…

Experiments in Soggy.

Experiments in Soggy.

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I am soggy I am not too sure when I got soggy, or if I was always soggy. I mean, I am not the fun friend, which could lead me to believe I was always destined for soggy. I am fun, if you are a child, I will break out the parachute, and Mary Poppins the shit out of life,…

Almost 36

Almost 36

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I get caught up in my head all the time. I lose my ground, or hand it away sometimes, without noticing I did that. I usually have to be dragged out of places, Once you get me on the road I am a monster at life, but getting me out of the places I find familiar is damn near impossible….

Ready for Love.

Ready for Love.

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I like to feel important. That should correlate great to having kids, and an adoring husband, but I was raised to be love resistant. I see all the love, and instead jump into the heartbreak of the things I do not have. I was raised like that. I know a lot of us eighties kids were. I don’t blame My…

What Can I Do?

What Can I Do?

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It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path laid out by my parents,…

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

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Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always been one of my favorite…

It Feels Like Home to Me.

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I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty five years, but I can…

What I’ve Been Doing.

What I’ve Been Doing.

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Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I get comfy in obsessive thinking….