Becoming

Experiments in Soggy.

Experiments in Soggy.

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I am soggy I am not too sure when I got soggy, or if I was always soggy. I mean, I am not the fun friend, which could lead me to believe I was always destined for soggy. I am fun, if you are a child, I will break out the parachute, and Mary Poppins the shit out of life,…

Almost 36

Almost 36

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I get caught up in my head all the time. I lose my ground, or hand it away sometimes, without noticing I did that. I usually have to be dragged out of places, Once you get me on the road I am a monster at life, but getting me out of the places I find familiar is damn near impossible….

Ready for Love.

Ready for Love.

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I like to feel important. That should correlate great to having kids, and an adoring husband, but I was raised to be love resistant. I see all the love, and instead jump into the heartbreak of the things I do not have. I was raised like that. I know a lot of us eighties kids were. I don’t blame My…

Peopling

Peopling

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I don’t like to people.  I forget I don’t like to people. I think it might be nice to be out there in the big community, and then I remember all the things I have ever learned about peopling, and decide to stay inside. In my  grown up aged life I refuse get down with real house wives type nonsense,…

What Can I Do?

What Can I Do?

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It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path laid out by my parents,…

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

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Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always been one of my favorite…

It Feels Like Home to Me.

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I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty five years, but I can…

What I’ve Been Doing.

What I’ve Been Doing.

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Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I get comfy in obsessive thinking….

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

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Three years ago on January 26th, very early in the morning I text my friend Elana a picture of this perfect tiny human, who just came out of my body. I captioned the perfect picture with “I had a baby for your birthday!” This year Is the first year Elana will spend her birthday not in her physical body. There…