The Patriarchy.

The Patriarchy.

My Grandmother for weeks now, has been recounting the day my Grandpa died on our Sunday visits. It started when I asked her if I could buy her a new bed. She told me she has not slept in a bed in nineteen years, because my Grandfather died in it. I know that not sleeping in a bed because someone…

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always been one of my favorite…

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Monica Said There Would Be Days Like This.

I have a book in my bathroom called “14,000 things to be happy about.” It was a Christmas gift from my Aunt who had just been diagnosed with cancer.  This Aunt was a very thoughtful gift giver, and inside she wrote: “ Janika, Of all my nieces and nephews, you’re the one always spreading cheer and happiness! So, keep it…

Letting Go

Letting Go

 It is unnaturally difficult for me to lead with love. I have to practice the same way I have to practice getting into half saddle with out the need for fifteen yoga props. I still find it impossible sometimes to just say the things, I am thinking instead of becoming increasingly irate that my not mind reading husband, has not…

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It Feels Like Home to Me.

I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty five years, but I can…

What I’ve Been Doing.

What I’ve Been Doing.

Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I get comfy in obsessive thinking….

WWE Elimination Chamber

WWE Elimination Chamber

Professional Wrestling was the first thing that ever broke my heart. I used to say Hulk Hogan was the first man to break my heart, which is true, but he was playing a role in WWF at the time. I have since given my first heart break honor to the world of professional wrestling. The match was Hulk Hogan vs…

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

Happy Birthday Day Week Muffin.

Three years ago on January 26th, very early in the morning I text my friend Elana a picture of this perfect tiny human, who just came out of my body. I captioned the perfect picture with “I had a baby for your birthday!” This year Is the first year Elana will spend her birthday not in her physical body. There…