Experiments in Soggy.

Experiments in Soggy.

I am soggy I am not too sure when I got soggy, or if I was always soggy. I mean, I am not the fun friend, which could lead me to believe I was always destined for soggy. I am fun, if you are a child, I will break out the parachute, and Mary Poppins the shit out of life,…

Almost 36

Almost 36

I get caught up in my head all the time. I lose my ground, or hand it away sometimes, without noticing I did that. I usually have to be dragged out of places, Once you get me on the road I am a monster at life, but getting me out of the places I find familiar is damn near impossible….

Ready for Love.

Ready for Love.

I like to feel important. That should correlate great to having kids, and an adoring husband, but I was raised to be love resistant. I see all the love, and instead jump into the heartbreak of the things I do not have. I was raised like that. I know a lot of us eighties kids were. I don’t blame My…

Peopling

Peopling

I don’t like to people.  I forget I don’t like to people. I think it might be nice to be out there in the big community, and then I remember all the things I have ever learned about peopling, and decide to stay inside. In my  grown up aged life I refuse get down with real house wives type nonsense,…

What Can I Do?

What Can I Do?

It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path laid out by my parents,…

The Patriarchy.

The Patriarchy.

My Grandmother for weeks now, has been recounting the day my Grandpa died on our Sunday visits. It started when I asked her if I could buy her a new bed. She told me she has not slept in a bed in nineteen years, because my Grandfather died in it. I know that not sleeping in a bed because someone…

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.

Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always been one of my favorite…

Monica Said There Would Be Days Like This.

I have a book in my bathroom called “14,000 things to be happy about.” It was a Christmas gift from my Aunt who had just been diagnosed with cancer.  This Aunt was a very thoughtful gift giver, and inside she wrote: “ Janika, Of all my nieces and nephews, you’re the one always spreading cheer and happiness! So, keep it…

Letting Go

Letting Go

 It is unnaturally difficult for me to lead with love. I have to practice the same way I have to practice getting into half saddle with out the need for fifteen yoga props. I still find it impossible sometimes to just say the things, I am thinking instead of becoming increasingly irate that my not mind reading husband, has not…

It Feels Like Home to Me.

I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty five years, but I can…