It’s Ok to be Sad.

sadness You guys know I am pumping for Last Baby.

Lord knows I talk about it enough.

Well Last Weekend I woke up with a headache kicking the sides of my head open, and a definite rumble in my stomach.

I was probably poisoned by the poop cilantro.

Anyway it has gone around the whole house starting with OG a few weeks ago.

Uncle Jassy caught it first, and with absolutely no stamina was in his room acting like he was dying.

Then The Hubbs, and  finally it came for dear old Mama.

Lady Baby had some less then savory poops at this time, but if she was dealing with a headache she was not complaining.

Got to love being sick in the summer.

Well Sunday I woke up and started pumping and right away there was a significant dip in ounces.

I kept pumping all day and kept watching the bottles barely fill up.

Monday night I knew I would be behind if I didn’t whip out a bag from the freezer stash for Tuesday.

Tuesday I woke up to the same dip in ounces, and that was it.

I felt defeated, and sadder then I could be if the family dog crossed over the rainbow bridge.

And, then I wanted chocolate.

The entire day I was miserable, and I knew it was coloring my whole life in black and gray.

It just overcast sorrow in Janika land.

There was no shaking it.

I have busted my ass to catch up to this baby, and I was watching it all slip away.

Logically I know that is over the top dramatic.

That it is just been 3 days and although a 10oz dip is significant I can do whatever it takes to get back in front of the 8 ball, but sometimes you just have to be sad.

Knowing the way the universe loves to remind me to get off my high horse I should have expected this.

Feeling cocky enough to book a trip to California thinking I would have plenty in the freezer to cover a few days, thinking I could drop a pump, spend a day at the beach and not worry about pumping……

Now it is back to 10 pumps a day, popping blessed thistle like candy, drinking gallons of mothers milk tea, and brewers yeast even though it tastes like dirty crackers left in water.

Sigh.

I made a commitment to breast feed until 12 months, and no matter how hard it gets, and no matter how many set backs, and sacrifices we face We will keep getting up and marching through.

I am still so sad, but I remind myself it could be sadder.

I could not have any freezer stash.

I did not eat any chocolate

But, I did eat a whole sleeve of organic graham crackers on Hubbs side of the bed last night while I finished my book.

It was a really good read if you’re interested.

 

 

 

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