I Live for Myself.

bb4d905a200ab521295fd50f4f669902When we do movie night we have to do a double feature. Lady Baby gets first choice, and she is all about Rapunzel these days.

Listening to the tune “Mother Knows Best” The Hubbs says

“Can you imagine having a mother like that?”

I said sure. I know a lot of Parents who never wanted their kids to leave the house.

Granted Mother Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel for her own personal gain, and I do not know many cases of that in the literal sense.

I do see a bunch of Mothers from my Moms generation who held on to their kids so tight that when they grew up they either spent countless amounts of energy trying to scare them into never leaving them, or they themselves crumbled under the weight of the loss of their role as an active Mother.

The live for your children mentality keeps you very one sided about your goals. If your goal is to live for your child what do you do exactly when your child exercises their right to leave you, and live their own life?

I especially hate when Parents say I am doing this so my kids can be proud of me….

Listen, kids growing up in abusive homes with addicted Mothers still feel pride toward them. It does not take much to make a young child proud of you.

How about we start doing things to make ourselves proud? How about we start living for ourselves?

Im not saying we should all be selfish, and not spend time making art projects, or decorating cupcakes, because we would rather be watching the 13 new episodes of Longmire Netflix just released.  I am talking about having dreams and goals outside of our children.

I wanted to stay home with my babies while they are young. Right now they are my job, my life is all consumed by kid land, however I know this is just right now.

One day My kids will be independent humans who roll their eyes at me as I make them hand me the piece of technology  that they are sexting on.

They will fall in love, and pursue their dreams all without me.

The thing is when that happens I know it is time for me to do the next thing on my list of things I would like to be when I grow up.

Children ar not meant to be your whole life. They are meant to be the most important part, but not the whole thing.

Kids occupy a chunk of the timeline, and then they don’t.

Whats left?

Your marriage, your health, your new dreams, or resuurected old ones. They are always there in second place waiting to move forward once the space for the kids grows smaller.

I am one of the lucky ones. My marriage has stayed strong in the kid storm. We are at a place that reminds me of when we first met. Stealing kisses, and avoiding responsiblity just to be together.

But what happens when your marriage suffers because of the kids?

Children are supposed to leave you. Your spouse isn’t.

Kids are supposed to pack up their stuff, and walk out of their childhood home into their own adventure.

I want my kids to leave my house.

I want them to feel unshakably capable about their ability to survive in  the world away from me. I want them to live their dreams not mine.

I want them to soar as high as they want to go, and of course I will cry like a baby when they do. Probably gain ten pounds from the incessant consumption of some future Ben and Jerry’s Flavor, spend many months in therapy, and be sad for a while, but I will adjust, because the beginning of their lives is not the end of mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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