Beaky Haters be Trippin.

beakblog *In our family we call a pacifier a beak.

When OG was a baby my Mom started calling his pacifier a beaky. It stuck in our family.

We traded in what was once a shu sha to me. ( which I had till I went into Kindergarten btw) Into the word beak.

I will not take Lady Babies pacifier away form her at night until she gives it up on her own.

I could give a shit if she is entering her freshman year of high school still sucking on her beaky.

The price of braces is worth the heart ache of taking away her beaky.

OG was two and a half when we started taking away his beaky during the day, which is what I will do come fall with Lady Baby. During the day it is easy to forget about them. I just put them really high on a shelf and hope she doesn’t channel her inner gorilla, and start climbing the book shelves in search of them.

Night time is a whole different story.

We decided to take away OG’s beaky’s when he turned 3.

We did the beaky fairy story. He would leave her his beaks and she would leave him a fantastic, elaborate gift.

He played along, and left his beaky on the kitchen counter and walked bravely down the hall to bed.

At some point after I read him the Three Little Pigs for the 100th time he remembered his beaks were out there waiting to be taken away by some evil beaky fairy.

He lost his mind.

Even when he was done hyperventilating he was calling out for his beaky in a tone of voice that made me feel like we had tied him to a post at the bottom of a pier, slit open his inner thigh and left him to be consumed by a hoard of rats.

He shouted pain stakingly into my soul that he did not want to be a big boy, and please Mama please just give him his beak.

The struggle to not give this kid his pacifier, and say fuck this shit was overwhelming, but I knew there was no turning back now.

You can’t cut off someones leg half way and say

“oh well Im good this is not what I expected so I’m just going to stop now. ”

The damage is done. You have to man up and cut the entire thing off.

He fell asleep an hour later.

I stayed up all night my soul feeling filthy.

In the morning he woke up to find a play grille, and tickets to Sesame Street Live.

He was excited, and did a search for his pacifiers wondering if maybe this wretched, crusty fairy might have left one behind somewhere, but we got rid of every last one.

The second night was only 15 minutes of him telling me he didn’t want to be a big boy, which was better.

The Hubbs tries to say it wasn’t that bad, but he forgets things.

I think it’s because he never feels things as strongly as I do, or my heart is a bit dramatic I guess.

Every time he mentions to me that we should consider taking Lady Babies beaky’s away I can feel that ache flair up of the night I tortured my first baby.


Yes, I am selfish, but consider this beaky haters.

It is my money that will pay for an Orthodontist not yours.

Go get riled up over something that matters. Like climate change.



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