Today was one of those days when a revelation comes rushing at you.
I started the blog because some version of myself living in my head is smart as fuck.
The one who must sit in there ,constantly rolling her eyes at all the dumb ass things we do.
The one who knows how to get to where we want to go.
I honestly don’t here her in the beginning.
Maybe she is waiting to see what we will do when faced with the place where two roads meet on the game of life.
I tend to always step onto the longest route possible.
I at first typed wrong, but that felt wrong.
It isn’t wrong it is just the long way through.
A long time ago I stumbled across a book called the Artist Way.
It is a step by step program to help unblock your creativity.
One of the steps on the path is to write.
She tells you to do these things called morning pages. To just write. To write about anything.
A few months later when the book was beginning to get dusty on my book case I found a website called 750words.com. It is based on the morning pages premise from The Artist Way, and you collect badges for not missing days…… Yes I did say badges. I get entirely to hype for digital badges.
I wrote those pages for 2 years.
At first I fell off the wagon like I love to do, but then I dug my heels in and did not miss a day for an entire year. I even did my words the day I had Last Baby, and it was after labor.
Then I got caught up in newborn.
Pumping, not sleeping, three other kids. The dredges of hard work.
Newborn settled into Last Baby, and I found myself writing this blog.
But the blog went stale, and I started to be mad at myself for it.
My all or nothing attitude ruling the roost as usual making me cranky and sad.
Today while doing the glamorous task of putting my sneakers into the closet I was struck by a real life Oprah “Ah ha moment” I realized that all this time I have been doing this step from the Artist Way, and that the whole reason I keep doing all this writing is so that I can actually write.
The made up stories that run around my head all day. The ones that feel like parts of me.
I swear to you the girl who knows the way damn near fell off her chair, and I could hear an echo of “About time Asshole.”
The blog is a crutch. It was a jumping off point.
It is not something I started to get rich. It is not a business, much to Hubbs dismay. That Man is always looking for a way to bring in a dollar.
I am always chasing the Artist who has been kidnapped, and stashed away inside myself.
That means you better subscribe to get yourself email notifications, because I have stories to write, and cannot dedicate all of my writing time to blogging, but since I am a touch narcissistic, and love talking about myself I will certainly stop blogging all together.
Just think one day you will be reading the stories I always wanted to tell, and it will all be because of the blog.
My mission in this life it to simply become who I am.
That is so much harder to do then you would expect.