Baby, We Don’t Need That Validation.


This Mornings pumping session read was

“3 Truths About C -Sections.”  Here we go again. Not only is it in countdown form, but its pitting Moms against each other in one of our hottest segregation tools. How we birth.

If C section Moms are brave,strong and beautiful what are the rest of the Moms out there? Oh Those successful V baccers are so scared, weak and ugly?

You will say:

“Oh no Janika, this article is not meant to put people down, but to lift us Moms who have  had a section up.  ”

Why do we need lifting up? Because people out there think you’re less than for having one? Because one well written touching article will make them feel differently? People’s minds do not change like that. If someone out there thinks you’re a wimp for having a section they will continue to think that long after they have scoffed at this article. Once more, they have the right to think that, because everyone is entitled to an opinion whether or not we like it.

We like these article  because thats how society tells us we can feel better about some nagging insecurity that we can’t get rid of. Lets have some complete stranger tell us we are brave, strong and beautiful. Then we can all whip out our scars to prove how beautiful we think we are.  The thing is section Moms aren’t any more brave, strong or beautiful then any other birthing Mom.  We are all brave, strong and beautiful.

I myself have had a section that saved my life, and the life of OG baby, but reading this didn’t make me feel any differently about my experience.  I did not feel brave, strong or beautiful. I was one of those girls that have a nightmare experience with sections, and the sad part is I didn’t even know that until I had a V-bac. I didn’t hold OG baby for hours after he was born. When I did hold him I was too high to register he was my kid. I  did not instantly bond with him  as a baby the way I did with my vaginal births. The road was rough for us.  Im grateful everyday I didn’t have to have another one.

After My Lady Baby was born I would break down into tears looking at OG babies birth pics. I was grieving something I hadn’t even known I missed. No count down article was going to make that easier, because outside sources can’t truly validate us. If you feel brave, strong and beautiful you don’t need to whip out your scar the same way a chick who thinks she’s hot doesn’t need to show me her naked ass on Instagram. If from the bottom of your soul you felt that way you wouldn’t need someone to like your pic or share it with friends. You would walk around with that humble glow of confidence.

I want my daughter to grow up and not need anyone, and Im not talking about the way we teach our girls to be independent now a days. We teach them to pay their own bills, buy their own stuff,and not need a Lover for material things, but really we should teach them to not need a Lover to validate who they are. To not need anyone to validate who they are.  Then they wouldn’t have to worry about investing in someone who might leave them high and dry with nothing.But we keep liking articles like these.



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