The theme of Passion keeps coming up in my tarot readings.
Passion on the cards.
Reminding me that learning to read your own cards comes with so many annoying things.
Like having to live with concepts you cannot understand yet.
Things you dont want to touch yet.
Safely stacked tucked away closets of things not wanting to tumble out and create disarray.
No un seeing what you see when you put the cards down.
or turn the intuition on.
The ether always looking back at me like -well girlllll you asked -in reply to my side eye.
cue the Nausea.
Passion is defined by uncontrollable emotion.
See how this is tricky?
uncontrollable emotions aren’t always the greatest things to have though.
Other people do not respond well to uncontrollable emotions.
So many times In my life I have shown strong emotions and people start calling me drama.
My passion has pretty much caused me nothing but burden up until this point.
I have always ended up looking like a clown the minute my expression starts to heat up.
But here we are. The ether will have us all once again trying to explore passion..
But, I have spent many years now learning to unattach to strong emotions……
I look at this definition again and wonder if uncontrollable emotions count like when you are at wrestling live and lose yourself in the crowd?
Or, if i’m just going to have to continue to keep looking like a clown every time I feel fired up about something.
Or, maybe the point is if I feel like a clown it will be more like an IG clown model making a lucrative career out of enchanting cos play.
I wanted to learn tarot to help guide my future, but really all it did was show me concepts that I would have to encounter in my life that I wasn’t really trying to go through.
The clarity of reality always so depressing.
I wanted to learn tarot to help me make some choices in life “better”, but woah baby did it instead tell me to get real.
I try to relax these days, because the cards assure me this time around it wont feel like it did. The cards begging me to rest my PTSD and turn the passion nozzles back on.
The ones that are still afraid because of the last time, and the time before, and the time before that.
More annoying than any of this is my own mind.
So stressed about all these things, when it damn well knows we have brave heart energy on lock down, and much to our gemini moons dismay we always will.
Learning Tarot asked me to see what was in front of me and keep asking for more, even when it hurt, even when it still hurts.
Maybe learning about passion wont suck so much this time.
Maybe it will.
Whatever it is just dont give up.
Life is just about being alive after all .
All that other stuff we pick to think about.
Seems wild, no?
Cue up the Kanye “Street Lights” and let’s get it.