Fight for the Fairy Tale

IMG_6819My house is untidy. I want to say disgusting, but I’m doing this new thing where I try really hard to not apply my perfectionist standards to everything. So the word disgusting really does not apply here.  There is no ring of soap scum on my shower, and the kitchen floor was mopped yesterday by a very handsome man with a delicious ass. Disgusting is just the word I want to use to remind myself that Im not living up to these limiting standards I have put in place for myself.

The house is untidy and Instead of cleaning it in twenty minutes when I tuck my littles in for nap time I am going to hide in my room with energy clearing crystals and do a meditation, because that feeds my soul more these days  than scrubbing cabinets with tiny sticky handprints trailing down the fronts of them.

We started officially homeschooling a second grader a week ago.

I’m still pinching myself every day to make sure I am not dreaming. I sit beside him as he types with one finger on dictionary I stare at the back of his head in awe while he does math in his head. Why I ever denied myself this privilege in the first place escapes me. Why I ever let him go to a place he hated for six hours a day for 180 days is beyond my comprehension. Today he looked up from the spelling words he was arranging in ABC order and said “Mom you know why I didn’t want to go back to school this year? Because I would get home go outside, eat dinner and have electronic time and then go to bed. There was never any time to be together.”

I am grateful that I was brave enough to take this on. I am so proud of myself for taking this added responsibility that sometimes on Sunday night when I am exhausted and laminating feels burdensome. I am overjoyed with myself for knowing I would find a way to make it work because it was in the best interest of not only my sweet handsome OG baby, but my own.

These years are irreplaceable, and I am honored to get to spend them beside him.

I can say without any doubt in my mind that people can really accomplish anything they want to. Thanks Wayne Dyer for planting that seed in my mind. It finally just sprouted into a bud, and I can’t wait to see what it looks like as a mature flower.

I try to balance humility with confidence all the time.

The pendulum swaying back and forth into dangerous territories.  These are some of the hardest values to equalize for me. I am often too humble. Shrugging off my hard fought victories, because most often I never thought I had any other options but to win them. Or I feel bad for all the other people who tell me they wish they could do what I’m doing but can’t. I feel like I must be an asshole to rub in how amazing my life is.  I am an advocate of not caring what people think about what I do, but I really do hate to make other people feel bad about themselves.

I’m not doing that with homeschool.

I fucking won and so can you.

That balance part comes in here. I immediately feel like I need to explain that I know it is not always roses and sunshine. Oh humility keeping you in check is a pain in my ass.

Don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Especially yourself.

Fight for the fairy tale.They do exist and I am living proof of it.



On Key

Related Posts

let it flow

Day One

Every day more and more I get to know that all these memories from the beautiful, the traumatic and even the indifferent can still come with me even if I flood this valley and stop watering the flowers in vases by the graves. 

evelyn and the paper dolls

Evelyn & The Paper Dolls

Maybe being, feeling, wanting -it all ebbs and flows, so I  shouldn’t want to settle on anything.  Maybe I am Just supposed to try lots of stuff on. Opinions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, try them on and see how they feel, and I shouldn’t let any of those be set in stone, only On paper for my big art journal or for the wall!

Jae Arel

Snowflakes are the Problem

I think Snowflakes are the Problem. I remember hearing the quote about snowflakes, you know the one that says they look the same far away,

real friends

Real Friends

My Daughter turned 10 early this year, and I noticed her start to change the way she treated her friendships. I of course turned to

Turning 40

  Turning 40 was well, I would say my welcome to the fourth floor was pretty rough. Let’s be real, every flipping welcome to adulthood