My house is untidy. I want to say disgusting, but I’m doing this new thing where I try really hard to not apply my perfectionist standards to everything. So the word disgusting really does not apply here. There is no ring of soap scum on my shower, and the kitchen floor was mopped yesterday by a very handsome man with a delicious ass. Disgusting is just the word I want to use to remind myself that Im not living up to these limiting standards I have put in place for myself.
The house is untidy and Instead of cleaning it in twenty minutes when I tuck my littles in for nap time I am going to hide in my room with energy clearing crystals and do a meditation, because that feeds my soul more these days than scrubbing cabinets with tiny sticky handprints trailing down the fronts of them.
We started officially homeschooling a second grader a week ago.
I’m still pinching myself every day to make sure I am not dreaming. I sit beside him as he types with one finger on dictionary dot.com. I stare at the back of his head in awe while he does math in his head. Why I ever denied myself this privilege in the first place escapes me. Why I ever let him go to a place he hated for six hours a day for 180 days is beyond my comprehension. Today he looked up from the spelling words he was arranging in ABC order and said “Mom you know why I didn’t want to go back to school this year? Because I would get home go outside, eat dinner and have electronic time and then go to bed. There was never any time to be together.”
I am grateful that I was brave enough to take this on. I am so proud of myself for taking this added responsibility that sometimes on Sunday night when I am exhausted and laminating feels burdensome. I am overjoyed with myself for knowing I would find a way to make it work because it was in the best interest of not only my sweet handsome OG baby, but my own.
These years are irreplaceable, and I am honored to get to spend them beside him.
I can say without any doubt in my mind that people can really accomplish anything they want to. Thanks Wayne Dyer for planting that seed in my mind. It finally just sprouted into a bud, and I can’t wait to see what it looks like as a mature flower.
I try to balance humility with confidence all the time.
The pendulum swaying back and forth into dangerous territories. These are some of the hardest values to equalize for me. I am often too humble. Shrugging off my hard fought victories, because most often I never thought I had any other options but to win them. Or I feel bad for all the other people who tell me they wish they could do what I’m doing but can’t. I feel like I must be an asshole to rub in how amazing my life is. I am an advocate of not caring what people think about what I do, but I really do hate to make other people feel bad about themselves.
I’m not doing that with homeschool.
I fucking won and so can you.
That balance part comes in here. I immediately feel like I need to explain that I know it is not always roses and sunshine. Oh humility keeping you in check is a pain in my ass.
Don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Especially yourself.
Fight for the fairy tale.They do exist and I am living proof of it.