As a thirty-five-year-old woman striving to live with the integrity of a disney princess, I can no longer look around and wait for the adult in the room to step forward when someone is looking for them.I am supposed to be an adult.

I have to actually adult.

For someone who takes on responsibility like a martyr in a zombie apocalypse movie I would have thought I might have had an easier go into it all.

My coming into adulthood felt like I was in a Hell in a Cell Match with Shane McMahon as my opponent.

If you don’t speak wrestling (which you should)  that means I fell into adulthood, and it felt like I got hit by a moving bus.

I look back on my ten-year marriage, my almost nine-year anniversary as a mother coming up at the end of January, the wall of pictures filled with faces I will never see in this world again, and I wonder if I knew back then what I know right now what I might have done differently.

If I had a chance to meet up with twenty-five-year-old Janika, with her taken for granted curls, and pre three baby vagina, fresh on her wedding day- anxious, and aggravated  that she was beautiful, capable and going to do magical things.

So hold space, love hard and, hold on.

Why spoil all the surprises coming for her?

I ADORE adulthood. I love floating around my house like a magic domestic fairy dressed in Wrestling t-shirts and top knots. Constantly making up rap songs and trying to kiss my babies. Finding time to sneak away to the bedroom to read, or watch so many episodes of Supernatural in a row that I need someone to go to the bathroom with me, because I am too scared to go alone. (Dean Winchester is my spirit animal)

However I had to get here I am grateful.

This life always feels too good to be true, leading me into new lessons.

I guess growing up can only come after life hands your ass to you, and you come back for a rematch.

Maybe you take some time out for an injury, but eventually you make your way back in the ring. Growing up means you understand the victory is the persistence not the glory.

Who would have known that age was not a requirement for growing up?

Crank up the Wilson Phillips folks, and “Hold on for one more day.”



On Key

Related Posts

let it flow

Day One

Every day more and more I get to know that all these memories from the beautiful, the traumatic and even the indifferent can still come with me even if I flood this valley and stop watering the flowers in vases by the graves. 

evelyn and the paper dolls

Evelyn & The Paper Dolls

Maybe being, feeling, wanting -it all ebbs and flows, so I  shouldn’t want to settle on anything.  Maybe I am Just supposed to try lots of stuff on. Opinions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, try them on and see how they feel, and I shouldn’t let any of those be set in stone, only On paper for my big art journal or for the wall!

Jae Arel

Snowflakes are the Problem

I think Snowflakes are the Problem. I remember hearing the quote about snowflakes, you know the one that says they look the same far away,

real friends

Real Friends

My Daughter turned 10 early this year, and I noticed her start to change the way she treated her friendships. I of course turned to

Turning 40

  Turning 40 was well, I would say my welcome to the fourth floor was pretty rough. Let’s be real, every flipping welcome to adulthood