My Marriage is pretty special.
It always was something special, but before I lived Astrology I would get so mad at my husband for things that he still does, but look totally normal under the lens of his birth chart placements.
After Astrology I was like oh shit.-Im doing this wrong, but so right for my own chart.
Because, when the way you think is totally opposite of one another realizing that is no-ones fault is liberating.
The thing I love about my marriage most is how solid it is.
I realize this is truly a magic quality in my marriage because I consume too much true crime, and it’s always the spouse man.
How devastating to totally think a human has your back and then murders you.
Lucky for my marriage, it has lines that we wont cross, like entertaining other people romantically.
This amuses me, because at one point in my life I didn’t have a boyfriend I didn’t cheat on, but like every gemini moon who is really not a player- just bored – I grew out of that at the cost of some beautiful hearts.
I grew out of it enough to know there is no way I’m bringing back those years of having two boyfriends.
I go to bed at 7:30pm all Winter, I like quiet afternoons in my jammies reading. Im not looking for the drama not being committed to where you said you would stay brings.
We really just talk like best friends so the minute either of us is irritated it comes out -because swallowing resentments is toxic.
We still happen upon these moments. My anger sparks up from 0-100 like a high speed racing car. Meanwhile he has some placements that have his feelings easily hurt, and never one to speak up for them.
Knowing our placements lets me love us the best I can.
It also helps to know that when I get in critical mode I turn mean and start name calling.
While he smiles and makes fun of my name choices which often get ridiculous.
We all have are crosses folks.
My Marriage is magic because we both want the same thing.
How, and what we live in to get there has been a contentious debate of retraction and expansion, but in reality I only want to be with him, and my north node is in cancer after all- So I may not be on an RV, or out of the burbs living on-top of a retail space, or living in the arid dessert near my red rocks, but I am with him, which is the end goal.
Knowing my placements gives me this contentment in these choices that he feels bad for.
It is my lifetimes goal to learn that though adventure sparks the magic, the magic is not the adventure.
The magic is the love.
The magic is the everyday things like waking up to iced coffee in the fridge made by my mans Barista Pro that flashes the lights every time he makes a coffee, which is a lot, because bae is obsessed with coffee.
When I ask what his problem is he tells me without coating it, because he knows I can feel when things are said in half truth then get hella cold and distant, which causes him to act sad, which causes me to assume I might be a Dragon.
Its just a dance we learned to do by burning down.
By coming back.
Im not here to tell you that you can have this type of marriage by doing the following things either -because I have no clue really. Maybe this is just luck, or a divinely fated love story.
All I know is that one day my friend walked into Old Navy store number 6223 to see if I was working, and the next thing I know the Lord turned on a light in my head with a flashing husband sign above him.
I followed the sign, and still do.
And here we are all these years later.
My wish is for everyone to keep trying love until you find someone to burn it down with. Someone who can take the hits of a damaged personality with out it meaning their dignity.
Not those places that feel unsafe, or the ones that beat you down for feeling a way they would rather avoid.
The magic in my marriage is that we don’t avoid, and we know we are learning to love each other while still unwinding ourselves from the codependent expectations of what being together means to society.
Today my man was gone, he had to work, and so did I. He came home eleven hours later rattling off all the ways he missed me, and then asked if I missed him. I of course said no, because I didn’t miss him, I was too busy to think he had been gone that long.
Mind you I am a total double standard on all these things, and would never accept a love who told me it was not torture without me all day. I happen to think my love is worth these irrationalities.
However does this mean I am terrible, or just an air moon?
The hardest thing about feeling all the love in my heart for this man for me, is that at any minute it could just be gone.
I never being the one to not stare at the worst case scenarios of life remember this every day.
Because I want to savor the reality.
Because it reminds me to stay snuggled longer than my racing mind wants to be.
My mind is always ready for the next move, but starting at the stark reality that none of us are making it out of here alive really reminds me of my goals in life.
Which are to be with him.
so, I may not miss him when I’m working, but I would melt myself into his arms in the same house for thirty years and not mind at all if it gets to be that long.