Almost 36
I get caught up in my head all the time. I lose my ground, or hand it away sometimes, without noticing I did that. I usually have to be dragged out of places, Once you get me on the road I am a monster at life, but getting me out of the places I find […]
Ready for Love.
I like to feel important. That should correlate great to having kids, and an adoring husband, but I was raised to be love resistant. I see all the love, and instead jump into the heartbreak of the things I do not have. I was raised like that. I know a lot of us eighties kids […]
What Can I Do?
It is an interesting time to be an American. A place where past, and present no longer correlate. The rips in the picture far too deep for me to look away from. The instructions I received on how to thrive here are not exactly working for me. I do not want to follow this path […]
The Patriarchy.
My Grandmother for weeks now, has been recounting the day my Grandpa died on our Sunday visits. It started when I asked her if I could buy her a new bed. She told me she has not slept in a bed in nineteen years, because my Grandfather died in it. I know that not sleeping […]
Expectaion Junkie in Recovery.
Being an only child I had to go out into the world and find people to love. I was blessed with my fair share of cousins, and grew up nestled in-between a group that felt like the best kind of siblings, because they went home. I enjoyed being any only child. Being alone has always […]
Monica Said There Would Be Days Like This.
I have a book in my bathroom called “14,000 things to be happy about.” It was a Christmas gift from my Aunt who had just been diagnosed with cancer. This Aunt was a very thoughtful gift giver, and inside she wrote: “ Janika, Of all my nieces and nephews, you’re the one always spreading cheer […]
Letting Go
It is unnaturally difficult for me to lead with love. I have to practice the same way I have to practice getting into half saddle with out the need for fifteen yoga props. I still find it impossible sometimes to just say the things, I am thinking instead of becoming increasingly irate that my not […]
It Feels Like Home to Me.
I have been married for over ten years, and that number still seems so small in the grand scale of things. When I look ahead to celebrating fifty years next to my man, ten seems like that first corner of the foundation is laid. I may not know as much as I will in twenty […]
What I’ve Been Doing.
Lately I have gotten a lot of “You looks so good Janika, what have you been doing?” This has always come in moments of weight loss for me. The year before my wedding when I did the tour of skinny everyone nearly lost their minds for my secrets. Back then it was calorie counting. I […]
WWE Elimination Chamber
Professional Wrestling was the first thing that ever broke my heart. I used to say Hulk Hogan was the first man to break my heart, which is true, but he was playing a role in WWF at the time. I have since given my first heart break honor to the world of professional wrestling. The […]