There have been many times since  raising children that I  have asked Hubbs if we can go live off the grid.

He always smiles at me like I am slightly crazy, and moves along in our conversation.

That was until we decided to watch a  Netflix documentary called Hot Girls Wanted.

The film follows five barley legal girls, or “teeny boppers” who have answered a craigslist ad in Florida.

They are embarking on a quest to become famous porn stars.

This film gives you the back story on all those pop ups you get while searching for grown up porn. The click here for hot teen bullshit. I myself can barley watch a college basketball game without feeling perverted. I am most certainly not clicking on anything that says “teen”.

I never thought much about those ads. I just click the x button and they disappear, but after watching Hot Girls Wanted  I will forever be haunted by them.

I like porn.

I have no problems with my husband watching it.

I am not jealous of porn stars in any way, except maybe for the makeup they get to wear.

I have always had problems with the production of porn.

It is a reality genre with absolutely no reality behind it.

No girl is going to sound like that unless she’s getting paid to, and no girl thinks it’s ok to suffer 15 minutes of missionary without getting to finish themselves.

Listening to these young woman speak on this film devastated me.

Something erupted and turned to ash in my soul. It is one of those things you will watch, and wonder why you ever gave a shit that your gluten-free lemon squares came out like ass.

I remember being a teenager.

Teenage Janika sits close to the surface of my grown up-ness.

Smiling in her leopard environment, smoking cigarettes, and drinking Dr Pepper.

She was fully activated when watching this film.

When the girls talked about having their first sexual experiences with boys who left them soon after they gave it up.

I felt Teen me sigh with the relief that comes with that not being my story, but  understanding how devastating that must have felt like.

They all want to escape their lives, and become famous.

They all want to feel desired.

And they are all about cash.

I am grateful that I am not a teen now a days, and I am also grateful that I was a plus size teen.

If  I were a skinny, access to the internet from anywhere teen, I would surely have a sex tape somewhere.

Every single little girl will enter a time where she is so self centered that it makes you want to die. Where she forgets the world exists outside of herself. Where she becomes so boy crazy that you wish she had been a lesbian.

There is no escape from it.

I don’t have a problem with someone aspiring to be a porn star.

Great, fantastic. I hope that in wanting to do so they would want to revolutionize the industry to be more girl focused.

There was a Duke university student whose story is shown briefly in the documentary.

She claimed she was doing porn  to not only pay tuition, but to normalize sex working, but she was just a lost little girl herself, allowing men to misuse her, and had to find a way to make that ok.

The film says that 40% of porn being downloaded is aggressive toward woman.

I am talking so aggressive you have to turn, and look away.

These 19 year old girls are being introduced to porn by forceful oral sex, and Im not talking about Kanye lyrics bruised her esophagus. I am talking about this should be a criminal minds episode.

These girls are forced to throw up, and then lick up their own vomit….

One of the girls in the documentary said. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think I could say no.”

These are our girls.

What do we do!?

I look at my daughter and worry that she will not feel good enough growing up.

Like most little girls do.

That she will operate her entire existence on this  need to be desired.

That she will forget that life is not about aspiring to be Rihanna.

It is about digging your feet into green grass on a spring day.

What kind of world Will Lady Baby walk into?

How do I teach her that she is worth so much more than 800 dollars for a facial abuse scene?

That being a money obsessed celebrity is going to be very unsatisfying when she’s a 70 year old woman.

How can you tell her any of this when the culture tells her different?

How do you tell her that you will never be able to stop that reel running in your head of the time you decided to do amateur porn in hopes to rising to the top?

How do you tell her anything that she will really hear?

Part of me just wants to say fuck it.

I’ ll let her eat pizza, and she can just be a fattie. It kept me safe right?

But its not just about lady baby. It is about everyones Lady Babies.

We have to find a way to empower our girls to not give up pieces of themselves to undeserving men.

In the film the girls kept saying they would have done it anyway so why not get paid for it?

No you wouldn’t do it anyway.

You have to be a rare breed of person to want a penis shoved so far down your throat that you vomit.

Not to mention all this Porn being filmed in Florida is UNPROTECTED!!!!

I have no idea how to teach my kids this stuff.

How to teach them that this shit is bad ju ju for your soul.

I just know that something has to change with the way we are talking to these kids about sex.

I am glad I have 4 tries to do it in.