This post is the first in a series. The story is long and ongoing, but I felt compelled today to start to share it. Before we start I want to share a few things about my spirituality with you. I believe in God. However, I do not believe in one religion to channel his presence. I like to call him a he because I grew up catholic and no matter how old I get the idea of him as a he makes me the happiest. I believe in all things “new age” I read tarot cards, angel cards, meditate and listen to Hay House teachers because it is my word of the lord. I like to say the rosary, and Jesus is still my favorite spiritual teacher. My rosary beads which I crafted with my own two hands in third grade sit beside a deck of tarot cards and a plethora of crystals.
I tell you this because I grew up catholic, and if you did too then some where in the word tarot cards you started thinking of Satan worship. I am telling you this so you can judge if we belong together. If reading these words is going to inspire you to break free of your own spiritual prisons. If you find my ideas on faith offensive then you don’t have to waste your time reading this long story. If this is the end of our journey together I wish you well. If you’re digging my strange combination of spirituality then read on my loves.
A few days before the first of April I started to get what I assumed to be a serious sinus infection. My face hurt more than it has ever hurt in my entire life. I could feel it pulsating from the inside out. The only thing that didn’t feel like a sinus infection was this non-stop dizzy feeling. I felt like I was drunk without actually consuming any alcohol.
The onset of this “sinus” infection happened right before I was set to take off for a long weekend in Florida with The Hubbs to visit an old friend. I pounded back the raw garlic cloves, and netti potted like I had a celebrity endorsement to no avail. The plane ride back and forth was stupendous.
I waited a week more before calling the doctor. I am a firm believer in not taking anti biotics unless you really really really really need them. Most infections are viral anyway. Why kill all your good bacteria for nothing?
The Dr. said It sounded like a classic sinus infection, but he could not see any inflammation. He gave me a script for antibiotics and said to call him back if they didn’t seem to be working by day five. They didn’t work by day five, but I waited a week more to call back. I thought maybe it just needed some time to dissipate. If it was not a bacterial infection then waiting was all I could do.
When I called him back he sent me for a cat scan of my sinus’s to see what was in my face.
This was almost three weeks after the onset of this crazy shit. I honestly felt like there was a monster living in my face. My face was numb and I was so dizzy I felt like I would throw up or fall over.
My entire life was on hold. I felt so awful I could barely take care of the kids. I was running on if you aren’t dead we are winning mode, and they ate lots of pizza and cereal dinners. I couldn’t walk in the mornings anymore. Every walk would send me spinning for the rest of the day. I actually did not meet my ten thousand step goal on Fitbit for the first time in TEN MONTHS. mind you I have a 24k step a day average. I am a beast. Feel free to find me and friend request me!
My shoulders and neck were so tight they felt like they would break off. Extremely tense to the point I could barely move them without cringing in pain.Mentally this was the worst. I felt so defeated and hopeless. I felt like I would never stop feeling dizzy.The entire experience I would chalk up to being as traumatic as Lady Baby’s birth story, which was a fucking nightmare.
I hate to complain about shit. I could have my leg lobbed off and I would tell you I was fine, and definitely do not need any help. So even writing this is a fight in my head about not being such a baby.
I was meditating daily. Regardless of what was happening with my body I knew that I needed to go inside my mind to find the answers.
While waiting for the Dr. to get back to me with results I called my Lady Bestie who dabbles in tarot cards like I do. She would modestly tell you her skill with being in touch with the vale is so so, but out of all the people I know who touch tarot cards she is the one most intune that way. Mostly I wanted her to tell me I wasn’t dying, because I am a mega hypochondriac and should probably blcok Web MD from my phone for the benefit of my own sanity.
I was peeing when she text me what she felt in the cards. Before I finished reading I had my mouth on the floor. Every single thing she told me were the same things I had seen in my meditations.
The next day the Dr. left me a message on my patient portal when the results of the cat scan came in. I read it five times before I went to find the Hubbs. The message said my sinus’s were completely clear, and to please call him back to set up further testing.
I was seeing the Dr. in a few weeks for my annual wellness visit, and until then I was going to follow my spirit guides on this one, and try a different approach.