So You Want to be a Stay at Home Mom?

Jenni-Jwoww-Farley-Mom-Problems-Hunger-Games-MemeThere are going to be days when you want to grab your purse and run away.

Who am I kidding, I do not even have a real purse anymore.

I traded that in for a backpack, which is a very functional thing when you are hanging out with little kids all day.  You can store away snacks, diapers, toys, and hooks that you have to uses on the grocery cart to lug your bags out of the store with,because your actual shopping cart is full of children.

I have spent many moments in the car with a crying baby, and chatty toddler fantasizing about driving far away, or sending them to daycare and getting a 9-5. Those terrible days when it takes every ounce of everything you have to not slam on the breaks and tell them to shut the fuck up.

Kids take, and when there is nothing else to take, they take more.

If you have seen The Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood you know there is a part when one of the Moms loses her shit and whips her children with a belt in the front lawn. I had no children the first time I watched that movie. Now I know exactly how things like that happen.

Kids require you to be your best self as close to all the time as possible, but shit that is impossible, unless you are lucky enough to have nannies, chefs, gardeners, drivers and maids on staff to give you a break.

Gone are the days when the village helped.

The village is busy with their own lives.

Having kids in modern times is lonely.

The plural matters here because one kid is much easier to find baby sitting for then four

One kid is far easier in every aspect then four kids.

The more kids  you have the harder it gets. I have not been away from my children for more than a few hours in a year.

My Only child self is constantly pissed off.

Some times your best self is buried under four days of terrible kid naps, two weeks straight of non stop crying on every car ride, days of a shitty toddler busting every door open including the front door just because she can.

Your best self is hiding under smelly hair, and two days straight of being the on duty parent because your husband has to work to support your dreams of being a stay at home Mom.

Sometimes you just don’t have your best self available, because you are prone to seasonal depression the days and your temper are getting shorter.

Sometimes it is so heavy that you think to yourself freaking out with a belt on the front lawn would probably get you a few nights away in a psych ward, and that might be better than one more day of sleepless nap times.

Instead of this you go cry in the bathroom during nap time while your baby who is on a sleep strike bangs shit around in his crib.

You figure it out because you have too, because it is unfair not to mention unacceptable to burden your little people with this shit.

They didn’t ask to be born, but you asked for this.

Mothering is hard as fuck, and it isn’t because of how expensive it is.

It is hard because you always have to give yourself away. Even when you don’t have it. Even when you are a hormonal maniac on the verge of a rampage.

The money might make it easier to hire you some help when you morph into an emotional wreck, but it isn’t as necessary as self awareness.

Sometimes you have to tell yourself a glass of wine at 10am is better than a nervous breakdown. A glass of wine at 10am should actually be considered a perk of the Stay at Home Mom job.

This will make you feel considerably bad for all day care workers who are not allowed to partake in 10 am fermented grape juice.

You will feel like this, and it’s normal.

It is the same way you feel on any given day, at any given job.

If someone looks at you funny when you tell them you want to pop your childs head off their neck and use it to smack your other child then they should not have the pleasure of your presence.

(Unless you’re postpartum and they are just trying to help. That shit happens you know.)

Sometimes  you are crying in the bathroom, and other times you are sitting around with your hands in finger paints, singing toddler songs.

Living the dream.

My advice to the aspiring Stay at Home Moms is this:

This  time has been the most wonderful, and most trying. It is a perfect paradox, and I would not trade it on it’s worst day for anything else…..

(ok, maybe just for one day I would like to sit on a blanket on a brisk fall day at the park with my legs wrapped up in the Hubbs with a good book, or be a basketball teams physical therapist, but you get what I’m saying.)

Cheers My Darlings.



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  • I’m a stay at home mom of 3. Seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown. Or maybe I’m already having one. I just want to say Thank You! Your blog made me feel like I’m not the only one feeling like this. And that is a pretty great feeling. People always seem to think that I have it easy because I don’t work or that I make mommy hood seem like a breeze but truth is I’m barely holding myself together these days. 1 child was ok. Hard, but manageable. With 2 it’s tougher but babysitting is still pretty manageable and getting around is doable. But 3….I had no idea what I was in for. My husband works 6 days a week and I feel like it’s just me. I have a mom about 1/2 hr away but she doesn’t drive and she’s not one of “those” grandmothers. She gets overwhelmed by my kids. She makes excuses not to watch them. Mind you If I ask her 3 or 4 times a year it’s a lot. It’s just hard. Everyone has there own burden and no one wants yours to deal with. We can’t afford a babysitter. We can’t really afford activities for them either which at least would distract them for a little. My 7 yr old girl is in school but I have a 4yr old and a 1 year old boy. And wow I love my boys but God do they make this parenting thing difficult. They are on level 1000 all day. No seriously all day. From about 9am until midnight or sometimes 1am! Every night it’s a fight to get them to bed. I have no alone time what’s so ever. I love being a mom but I’ve lost myself along the way. It’s like that’s all I am. I don’t have many friends and the ones I have work and have there own things they are dealing with so I can’t really vent. I have 4 sisters and we are close but in a weird way we aren’t. They have gone through really tough things and I tell you not one has ever come to me to open up. So of course I don’t feel comfortable sharing my incompetence at being a mom. Sometimes family are the hardest people to show how vulnerable you really are. Anywho reading your blog and writing this has actually helped. Ima keep holding on to my sanity and prey that the Lord helps me along the way.

    • It is most certainly hard. Boys are wild! Last Baby is the one who is going to give me a heart attack. I can already see him doing keg stands and jumping off roofs into pools. On the bad days I like to play Darius Rucker “It won’t be like this for long.” It always gets me to change my mind on a bad day. Keep your head up. One day we will be “those” grandmas hyping the kids up on sugar and sending them home <3 <3

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