These letters are like fast food. Manufactured to hit every taste bud on the way down. It appeals to any kind of mom doubting her choices as a Mother. Reading these kinds of blog posts makes us feel not alone. We aren’t the only one doubting our choices! Yay now we can validate our insecurities and pretend like they didn’t happen! Not only does it play to our sympathies Its in a letter format, which makes us all nostalgic for a good snail mail letter full of ball point ink and Lisa Frank Stickers!
The problem with these open letters is they keep us disempowered. It’s the same old bull shit thought process. We need someone to tell us we are ok, because we are bad. This collective guilt we just cant seem to put down. Whatever topic you are feeling bad about just happens to appear on the headline. Dear Mom who wont put her I phone down ,aDear Mom who doesn’t feed her kid organic food. Any problem at all really. Dear Mom who flips out if the toliet paper roll isn’t turned the right way.
The truth is you should feel guilty, because you already feel that way. You shouldn’t deny it, you should see it thru and terminate it. These letters just help you sweep it away to come and bite you in the ass another day. Those letters make us feel like If someone else feels that way then it must be ok, but as my Mom used to say. “Janika, if everyone is going to jump off a cliff are you going to go with them?” That little stab you felt when you read that resonating title was a real feeling. You have to find out why if you are ever going to stop feeling that way.
Whats so bad about feeling bad? If you’re not uncomfortable you will never grow.
You don’t need these arbitrary well marketed letters to make you feel good about being a Mother. You have an opportunity to see the effects of your mothering every day. If you’re a shitty Mom you’ll know. You will have kids who for the majority of the time don’t want to be with you. Who are scared to look at you for fear of getting a hypothetical ass kicking. You will have kids who throw fits, and don’t listen to you. Kids will tell you when you need to get your shit together, and stop being a dick. They remind you everyday that they are depending on you to not have 30 days of PMS.
Your guilt about not breast feeding, or buying conventional food is not the issue. The issue is you feel bad about it. Those Letters have to go, but if you really need one here is what I think they should sound like.
Dear any kind of Mom struggling over any kind of mothering shit,
Are your kids Happy? If not then fix it, because you can, as long as you don’t hide from it.
Stay strong Darling.