**This post is in no way meant to victim blame. Rape is never the victims fault. This post is simply meant to be awareness that as a society we are not doing enough in the prevention column.
Before I reached my thirteenth birthday there were a few things I knew about going to parties from my Parents.
Dad: “Never take a drink from a boy, or leave your drink unattended, and never get so drunk you pass out.”
Mom: “Never leave your friends behind if they get too drunk, and NEVER get into a car with someone who has been drinking.”
They drilled these things into me every single time I walked out the door in high school until they realized I was not the kind of high school kid going to parties. My friends and I were too busy smoking marijuana and eating Taco Bell on Friday nights.
At the time I would roll my eyes, and say “I KNOW!” In my most obnoxious teenage voice. This is a great example of teenage listening. I may have been irritated, but I was listening.
In college I was a commuter, but I had a good amount of friends who lived on campus. Still never a drinker, and way to cautious for my own good at parties I turned into the “mom” or “debbie downer” depending on who you ask. I was always making sure no one got raped, or killed in a car. I figured out real quick what my parents had been saying all those years. They drilled those warnings into my head to get me to understand the sad fact that no one was looking out for me but me.
These warnings do not put blame on the victim. Had I been a drunk party girl and been raped it still would not have been my fault. Although, I am 100 percent sure my father would go around saying he told me so for the rest of my life.
I am grateful to them for these deterrents pounded into my head as soon as I was old enough to sit on the sofa with my mom and watch Days of Our Lives.
There are so many girls who haven’t heard these messages. Who go into these parties thinking everyone is a good person.
The world is not full of nice people. The world is full of assholes. Especially at adolescent parties.
We will not stop rape. Just like we will not stop bullying. We can only teach people how to treat each other, and even then there will still be cases of both. Sometimes people are horrible, and you end up in their path no matter how much you know, but we should still tell our children what they can do to attempt prevention.
We can teach ladies self-preservation, and boys some honor.
Girls need to know it might not be fair, but that they have to be vigilant at a party. They have to take care of the friends they came with, and getting shit face wasted is not always the best idea. We have to teach them to not leave drinks un supervised, and not to take a drink from someone they barely know. The world is not perfect, and wishing it was will do nothing but get our girls hurt. Saying it is not fair does not change the facts. No one deserves to be raped regardless of what they are doing at a party, but Girls are still getting raped across college campuses all over our country. Being angry about how unfair it is will not stop it.
I like to dream about things like a world where a girl can get wasted and not worry about someone violating her, but that is not the case. Sometimes a girl isn’t even safe hanging out with her Uncle, let alone a party full of strangers.
We can teach boys that it is UNACCEPTABLE to touch a passed out girl, or lead a seriously intoxicated one upstairs. (How they do not know this is beyond my understanding btw. I thought that would be as understood as wiping your ass after you take a shit.) We can teach them that they are responsible to stop that situation if they see it. We can teach them accountability for repulsive behavior, and instead of worrying about their future “steak eating” we can worry about their moral fiber.
We can teach all of our kids that they should look out for each other. To treat each other the way they would want others to treat them.
To be fucking kind.